Freedom @ 21

Most people in general probably think I am a tad bit short of crazy. And in my own world, I am and I’m okay with that. When I step out onto the streets my playlist of life blares loud and it always dictates the cadence in my step. I would venture to say that the last 11 months have been nothing short of grueling, personally and professionally. Chaos is nothing I haven’t dealt with before; in fact I know it all too well. My job and my personal life sometimes require me to work in hyper drive, and eventually if I am not careful, I crash. Crash and burn. From the ashes I arise, at times stronger and more determined than before.

For a decade this year, I have been involved in some capacity, mostly in Native American gaming. Having made my debut installing Class II machines, running wire under raised floors under such places as Choctaw Casino (I was the only one who could fit), or doing server data retrieval, and trouble shooting random messes of other slot related tasks. To many of you this may sound interesting to me; the only interesting thing about it was the fact that I was female. I was lucky enough to meet a lot of very cool people, and as I grew within the industry, I’ve watched many of my colleagues do the same; it has been such a fun ride to see what waves everyone has ended up on and where they will continue to travel.

But this year, more so than two years ago, I am going to send my writing into a new stratosphere.  Sometimes it just flows out of me, it seems that only in some arenas does it present it self so clearly and intently, and I have become increasingly aware that I have a voice, not only to my friends but; to myself. People may not always agree with what I have to say, and that is definitely their decision, BUT my opinion is certainly mine to express.

It has been said that the “people who listen to the voices inside their soul, when listened to so purely, they become crazy, they become legends.” – Legends of the Fall

I am not saying that I will become a legend, the idea certainly sounds cool. I always thought it was a pretty interesting topic, being as most people who admit to the voice in their soul are often coined “crazy” or out of their “head”. And so I say that maybe everyone is little crazy in his or her own world. By way of example; like when mathematical equations can only be solved by the Will Hunting’s of the world, legal briefs about bankruptcy only to be written by a legal genius (P.E. Barr), someone who decides to develop something that will change the world an aspects of chemical compounds to be used for consumption (JDC). I will say that complex words only used at times by non-intellectuals to sound more “smart” do not interest me much but true work and ideals certainly do. When I was in college a very dear friend sent me a postcard from Oxford, she used a couple of words, that I will admit I had to look up in the dictionary, I didn’t mind it, because she was/is a genius (Emily Journeay Cromwell), she didn’t match her socks or care of such mundane tasks like cleaning her room. Her mind was full of life. And so these ideals make perfect sense to them, and that is the only thing that matters. You can talk in big words, and be a genius, and it may not make sense to me. But it may make sense to you and I cannot and will not judge anyone for that.

I have mostly gotten off topic, as usual, however, my point will be forthcoming soon. As I continue to write, you will see aspects of me that otherwise you would not know, don’t judge. Read. If you don’t like it, don’t ever read it again. But don’t send me texts or emails and tell me my blog is disgusting and yuck (that’s why there is a fucking content warning); well guess what there are 6K people out there who don’t think that way at all. Don’t worry, I brush it off. My writing coach, Coach Cleaver I call him, says we all have a voice inside ourselves; it then becomes our choice to listen or push it to the back of our minds and as a writer you can only write what you know well, the rest is a crapshoot. I think he’s fucking right, I know a lot, I am no genius, but I have experienced a lot and have learned from all of it - good and bad.  In those situations I had to be crazy. Those situations have made me who I am. In a world where we are all free to express how we feel, through whatever medium; I am certainly happy that I have the freedom to say what I want in this century, and not to be judged by it.