Most of you know, I travel on average 3-4 days a week, 40 weeks out of the year, generally throughout the south central/ mid west region of the U.S. So it should come to you as no surprise that today's popcorn surprise is about traveling. I actually drafted this blog while escaping the Kansas City Snow Storm from hell. As I think of witty anecdotes, I firmly believe George Clooney got to say it best with the line “to know me, is to fly with me” (Up In the Air, 2009). I think that statement has a profound truth to it. I am certainly a quirky traveler, no shocker there. It takes me longer to pick out my travel "outfit" than it does to actually pack. I can't stand people who walk slow or in rows 4 wide, if you are standing on the moving walkway where it says WALK, I will say pardon and brush past you, if you don’t know the 3-1-1 for liquids: I rage, if you get all pissy about the new body scanner (that the Tulsa airport has had for 4 years) I roll my eyes and want to yell. What do these people think they are going to do, change homeland security protocol? Go thru the damn scanner already, the person checking the images can see my bra, get over it. Yes, do us all a favor and take off your shoes, belt, coat, sweater and take all the paper out of your pockets! And lastly, once your 4 bins of "stuff" moves out of the x-ray machine, pick it up and move out of the way, nobody wants to watch you stuff your feet back into your shoes, it's just rude. Grab your belongings and go. If I ever decide to get out of sales, I can work for the TSA with my eyes closed.
Once I am thru security and neatly put back together, in go the earbuds, so I can drown out the chaos; crying babies, people chattering away on their phones, the annoying announcements from Mayor Daley. I got to talking with one of my friends from work about how we never meet anyone interesting in the airport. She says, "Andi, with a quizzical look, I’ve seen you in the airport, your headphones go in and the “Fuck off” sign on your forehead goes up, who would want to even try to get your attention much less bother you?" I had to admit, she had a point. Navigating the airport is like dancing with disaster, people walking on the wrong side of the hall, (which is so puzzling, we aren't in Europe, we don't drive on the left here), people with rolly bags who seem as though they have never dragged one behind them before. It's a ballet of sorts, trying to figure out who is going to cut left and who is going to dead stop right in front of you. l manage to flutter from gate to gate, and on flight to flight, in one isle seat to the next, unscathed without having to really exchange words with anyone, that's the way I like it. No small talk, chit chat, where are you headed, what do you do for a living, are you married bullshit. I also get surprisingly dirty looks from older folks passing thru the cabin headed to coach, whose gaze says "who's the kid in first class, wearing converse and a ball cap". Flattering I know, to be seen as a kid, but I'm 31 and on 4 planes a week, I've earned every right to drink for free and have my own bathroom. And as much as I travel I still haven't mustered the wherewithal to ask anyone why they still make the flight attendants announce that smoking is not allowed in flight when it has been that way for 20+ years, and why I have to take my earbuds out during take off and landing? Check my frequent flier status, I know the drill, I can lift a 40lb exit door, if this bitch is going down I don’t want to hear a damn thing.
Strange thing about work travel and non-work travel, only one thing differs, the size of my suitcase.Typically for work, I carry on. That means I can survive between 10-14 days in my carry on with 4 pairs of shoes, a quart sized bag of liquids ranging from face wash to nail polish and running gear for at least 2 days. Do I like to carry on? No, absolutely not! But I've learned you can loose half of your life waiting for your bag at the claim carousel. I didn't realize I had a problem until last year, when one of my girlfriends and I packed up and flew to New York for a 4 day trip. When she arrives and sees my 70lb Brigss and Riley duffle bag she exudes perplexed sounds of chided laughter, knowing how much I travel, she is utterly confused. But hear me out, packing for fun is sheer torture for me, I change clothes on average 5 times a day when I am working from home. When I don't have to worry about what I can pull out of my suitcase virtually wrinkle free without looking like I stepped out of Ann Taylor catalog, its that much more challenging. Fashion packed for fun is such a nuisance, which is why when I travel for fun, I end up packing a suitcase big enough to carry a dead body in, crammed to the brim with everything but my kitchen sink. The thing is my mood changes, the weather changes and so my style changes, every single day. To those of who have seen my many faces of fashion; thanks for loving me as you know I am an inconstant person, always a chameleon. To me fashion is just another expression of emotion which, I wear 365 days a year (fashion, not my emotion). So for those of you who should ever happen to run into me while traveling, I apologize in advance, I hope I didn't scowl at you. The bitch in the earbuds is really very nice, take a look at what she's wearing, she's very down to earth.
Once I am thru security and neatly put back together, in go the earbuds, so I can drown out the chaos; crying babies, people chattering away on their phones, the annoying announcements from Mayor Daley. I got to talking with one of my friends from work about how we never meet anyone interesting in the airport. She says, "Andi, with a quizzical look, I’ve seen you in the airport, your headphones go in and the “Fuck off” sign on your forehead goes up, who would want to even try to get your attention much less bother you?" I had to admit, she had a point. Navigating the airport is like dancing with disaster, people walking on the wrong side of the hall, (which is so puzzling, we aren't in Europe, we don't drive on the left here), people with rolly bags who seem as though they have never dragged one behind them before. It's a ballet of sorts, trying to figure out who is going to cut left and who is going to dead stop right in front of you. l manage to flutter from gate to gate, and on flight to flight, in one isle seat to the next, unscathed without having to really exchange words with anyone, that's the way I like it. No small talk, chit chat, where are you headed, what do you do for a living, are you married bullshit. I also get surprisingly dirty looks from older folks passing thru the cabin headed to coach, whose gaze says "who's the kid in first class, wearing converse and a ball cap". Flattering I know, to be seen as a kid, but I'm 31 and on 4 planes a week, I've earned every right to drink for free and have my own bathroom. And as much as I travel I still haven't mustered the wherewithal to ask anyone why they still make the flight attendants announce that smoking is not allowed in flight when it has been that way for 20+ years, and why I have to take my earbuds out during take off and landing? Check my frequent flier status, I know the drill, I can lift a 40lb exit door, if this bitch is going down I don’t want to hear a damn thing.
Strange thing about work travel and non-work travel, only one thing differs, the size of my suitcase.Typically for work, I carry on. That means I can survive between 10-14 days in my carry on with 4 pairs of shoes, a quart sized bag of liquids ranging from face wash to nail polish and running gear for at least 2 days. Do I like to carry on? No, absolutely not! But I've learned you can loose half of your life waiting for your bag at the claim carousel. I didn't realize I had a problem until last year, when one of my girlfriends and I packed up and flew to New York for a 4 day trip. When she arrives and sees my 70lb Brigss and Riley duffle bag she exudes perplexed sounds of chided laughter, knowing how much I travel, she is utterly confused. But hear me out, packing for fun is sheer torture for me, I change clothes on average 5 times a day when I am working from home. When I don't have to worry about what I can pull out of my suitcase virtually wrinkle free without looking like I stepped out of Ann Taylor catalog, its that much more challenging. Fashion packed for fun is such a nuisance, which is why when I travel for fun, I end up packing a suitcase big enough to carry a dead body in, crammed to the brim with everything but my kitchen sink. The thing is my mood changes, the weather changes and so my style changes, every single day. To those of who have seen my many faces of fashion; thanks for loving me as you know I am an inconstant person, always a chameleon. To me fashion is just another expression of emotion which, I wear 365 days a year (fashion, not my emotion). So for those of you who should ever happen to run into me while traveling, I apologize in advance, I hope I didn't scowl at you. The bitch in the earbuds is really very nice, take a look at what she's wearing, she's very down to earth.
This one was excellent! I was "right there with ya" the whole time, you definitely have found, yet another area of giftedness, Andi...Writing!!
ReplyDeleteKeep em coming! I can't wait to hear what you have to say next.
xoxox
your Aunt Kendyl (ha)