I realize that with every year a new layer of stubbornness grows and that I become more and more narcissistic, cynical and picky (me? no way, right?). My therapist, god love her, says I can have it all, as long as I'm willing to wait for it? Wait for what, to get hit by the #22 bus? I don't even know what "IT" is anymore. I am definitely not waiting for the scary clown from that Stephen King novel to pop out of the woodwork. Sometimes I feel,(more often lately), if you are smart, successfully and sufficiently attractive in a certain age bracket, you're kind of SOL. But lets take this one tragic step further and walk into the Bermuda Triangle known as the quest for "Mr. someone to hang out with" via the world wide web. Yes, the world of internet dating. This past year, I went against all of my gut instincts (inorganic interactions seem odd) because of this simple statement by a Dallas friend I was visiting: "I think I will do match in 2011, because I'm turning 32 this year, and let's be honest, whatever I am doing isn't working". I thought, hmmm...good point, maybe I will give it a whirl. So when five (5) of my single friends decided to jump off a bridge I said, why not? What have a I got to loose? How about my sanity, self esteem and my will to date, ANYONE. They should call it "unmatch.com".
It's a sad match world, it's a sad single world, in more ways than one. Being single is great when you want to be single and not ideal when you want to be a pair but, internet dating is the devil. Let's start with the fee? Why not drive down lakeshore with $150 bucks and let it fly out the window! Why not go buy 15 of your friends a round of shots. It's the biggest waste of money--- EVER (aside from those Jessica Simpson Polka Dot Pumps from 2007). Lately it has been the only form of comedic relief my friends and I have to discuss. Me and my infinite strand of bad dates: Catboy, Man Muffin tops, Shiny Shoes, the No Show, the Insomniac, the Legally Blind, Sir dates a lot (they all sound like mini Seinfeld episodes), you understand where I am going with this. To top off the bad dates, I get emails and winks, DAILY that are absolutely the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen or read. They might as well be blind winks, there's the: the 51 year old wink, the 25 year old email, the guy that lives one hour and nine minutes away (according to google maps), guys from St. Louis, Omaha, Atlanta, South Carolina, Washington State and Las Vegas. In a city of 3M people, how is it this difficult?
In addition to all the bad dates, blind winks and copy and paste emails, the search engine results are much more disturbing: to all the dudes out there on match.com, didn't one of your girlfriends tell you that the following are not permissible (if she didn't, here goes): shirtless photos--(a big no no), photos of you taking a picture of yourself with your camera phones (silly), sleeveless shirts (nonsense), photos of places you've visited (we don't care if you are well traveled, we want to know what you look like). These are just a few of the irritating things that I experience on a day to day basis. How about you taking 30 seconds to read my profile and preferences. If I say I like 6ft tall men and you are 5'1, then it's clearly not a place for you to send me a four paragraph email with your phone number.
A few days ago I had the rage. Match.com sends me an email, it reads: Dear Single, we noticed that you have been getting a lot of emails from matches that are outside of your preferences, would you like to filter your emails? F yea, I want a madness filter, why four months in are you offering me your high tech services? Sadly, now all of my emails go straight to the filtered box...which is exactly where they will stay.
The search for your perfect guy in life is hard, why make it more challenging with the internet? Its like trying to pick the right team to make it to the final four, sometimes something goes horribly wrong and you've fouled out. The perfect guy, a myth? Ladies, are we better off going out and picking up a guy the old fashioned way? I say absolutely!! To all of you guys and gals teetering on the edge of internet dating, teeter back to the organic side, and go buy yourself something nice. It will be infinitely better than any date you will have from the internet.
It's a sad match world, it's a sad single world, in more ways than one. Being single is great when you want to be single and not ideal when you want to be a pair but, internet dating is the devil. Let's start with the fee? Why not drive down lakeshore with $150 bucks and let it fly out the window! Why not go buy 15 of your friends a round of shots. It's the biggest waste of money--- EVER (aside from those Jessica Simpson Polka Dot Pumps from 2007). Lately it has been the only form of comedic relief my friends and I have to discuss. Me and my infinite strand of bad dates: Catboy, Man Muffin tops, Shiny Shoes, the No Show, the Insomniac, the Legally Blind, Sir dates a lot (they all sound like mini Seinfeld episodes), you understand where I am going with this. To top off the bad dates, I get emails and winks, DAILY that are absolutely the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen or read. They might as well be blind winks, there's the: the 51 year old wink, the 25 year old email, the guy that lives one hour and nine minutes away (according to google maps), guys from St. Louis, Omaha, Atlanta, South Carolina, Washington State and Las Vegas. In a city of 3M people, how is it this difficult?
In addition to all the bad dates, blind winks and copy and paste emails, the search engine results are much more disturbing: to all the dudes out there on match.com, didn't one of your girlfriends tell you that the following are not permissible (if she didn't, here goes): shirtless photos--(a big no no), photos of you taking a picture of yourself with your camera phones (silly), sleeveless shirts (nonsense), photos of places you've visited (we don't care if you are well traveled, we want to know what you look like). These are just a few of the irritating things that I experience on a day to day basis. How about you taking 30 seconds to read my profile and preferences. If I say I like 6ft tall men and you are 5'1, then it's clearly not a place for you to send me a four paragraph email with your phone number.
A few days ago I had the rage. Match.com sends me an email, it reads: Dear Single, we noticed that you have been getting a lot of emails from matches that are outside of your preferences, would you like to filter your emails? F yea, I want a madness filter, why four months in are you offering me your high tech services? Sadly, now all of my emails go straight to the filtered box...which is exactly where they will stay.
The search for your perfect guy in life is hard, why make it more challenging with the internet? Its like trying to pick the right team to make it to the final four, sometimes something goes horribly wrong and you've fouled out. The perfect guy, a myth? Ladies, are we better off going out and picking up a guy the old fashioned way? I say absolutely!! To all of you guys and gals teetering on the edge of internet dating, teeter back to the organic side, and go buy yourself something nice. It will be infinitely better than any date you will have from the internet.
Ha ha, I was laughing out loud, literally, lol-ing, as I read this! You are spot on girl! (I unabashedly admit that I am one of "those" people who has a profile picture posted on an unnamed internet dating site, where yes, I am shown taking a photo of myself with my camera phone, oh well, who knew)!!!!
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