BAY OF PIGS!

I am not referring to the Cuban invasion, Fidel Castro take over, “Bay of Pigs”,  I am quite honestly referring to today’s men, who without hesitation see no harm in trying to get into your proverbial pants: whether they are married, in a relationship or sleeping themselves thru the city. This comes on the heels of a recent publication in the Wall Street Journal “Where Have The Men Gone” - Kay S. Hymowitz, Not only is the article spot on, it's a f-ing scary. So with that and having been indecently propositioned by a married man myself, I have to ask, why? Where are the good ones? I mean the really good ones? And why do the ones that seem good turn out to be just complete scum. Do married/ taken men, think we are “three ways from Sunday Stupid”? So my burning question leads me to this; why get married before 30? Why get married at all? I’m not cynical,  no. Not cynical. I just don’t get it. Today’s marriages are based on what exactly? Why can’t I have the same sort of commitment without a piece of paper and, an absurdly overpriced “keeping up with the Joneses” wedding? You can have love without marriage, and marriage without love, so why are they seemingly viewed as mutually exclusive? We don’t marry to merge empires anymore so what’s the need? Why can’t partnerships super cede marriage?  They say death and taxes right. Not marriage and death and taxes. Another valid point arises: all of my friends reside in a tax bracket as a single person that being married does them no tax credit justice. I ask my accountant every year, “where is my University educated, over 30, financially responsible, debt free, not married, no kids,” tax credit? Why does one-third of what I work like a dog for go to people like Octo-Mom? This world has bred a society to not think, not try and therefore a society that thrives on looting the system and my pocket book. That’s really a whole other blog entirely, solely dedicated to citing Ayn Rand.
I know being married is often seen as a basic foundation for having a family but I personally feel, that having a family is more of a commitment than a marriage, (hesitate to cite Brangelina but you know they make you go hmmmm). I honestly feel our generation of 30 somethings is fielding a social revolution where not being married is the norm. Ask me 16 years ago what I thought about marriage, as I was sitting in AP English, practicing my married signature with my high school boyfriends last name (and even then with heavy hesitation because it didn’t sound right) I would say, I thought I would get married. I’m sure a large part and parcel of my thoughts on marriage stem from my parents “high school sweetheart” marriage that disintegrated, simply because nobody knows who they are at 18. My father said to me, “12 years with your mom, I thought I knew her, but we changed and grew as people and, in the end you never really know anyone.” That statement scared the living shit out me and is probably why I remember it verbatim. Jilted again at 30 to hear a family member has been married to man of cheating mystery for the past 20 years. Again, why? Cruel and unnecessary. He “seemed” like the nicest guy on earth, committed to his family, to her; turns out he is a total dirt bag. I hope that each one of my loved ones and friends in marriage are blissfully happy, they deserve to be. I must say though, my 76 year old grandmother has successfully had a boyfriend for the last 20 years, they travel, they have a life together he is part of our family and it works. That is impressive. For now, I will continue to walk on my dream and stick like super glue to my idea of being married to myself. It’s only when you are whole in yourself that you are able to see outside your selfish being and field the idea of sharing your world with someone else. Anything else is not a dream but a nightmare. Why not draft a new regime, striving not to be married but perhaps happy and whole.